Lost

  Jan 12 2008  | Views 308 |  Comments  (19)
I look out the car window, trying to find you in the crowd. This is the town I loved, the town... Expand

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  pprax posted 3 mnths ago

Khushnoor this is so well written.....Reminds me of  a town where i lived long back and moved out with dreams in my eyes and promises to fullfill.
Its sad that at times we become so much bothered of the other person reactions that we stop communicating completely.I wish she(you) could tell him what you felt,i wish you could see his face in the dark and understood that his thoughts are no different.

The barriers in love must be broken at any cost.May be she(you) should ask him to take her(you) on the mobike again.See if things can be different.I am sure even today he would stop his bike and pull you closer



  Khushnoor posted 6 mnths ago

Amar, Thanks for your comment. The reason why this one probably seems a bit incoherent in places is because it is an emotional peice. Lucidity was not the top priority.

Any suggestion is always welcome! keep visiting!



  Amarcbe posted 6 mnths ago

Hi Kushnoor... Nice article... Well weaved and rocking back and forth between times... I have a small suggestion for you. When you convey a situation or meaning to the reader, you have to strive to make the reader more active and the story more passive.

You could have in some places described the scene with lesser words. You could try using shorter paragraphs too. Try convey more meaning with less words. Its a small suggestion from my end. Hope you would'nt mind it. What do you think ?



  Khushnoor posted 6 mnths ago

Seeingeye, Thank you. really.

Keeping pace with life gets difficult at times even for the best of us though, doesnt it?



  seeingeye posted 6 mnths ago

Khushnoor, u know what u r???
U r Good!
That is an amazing tale of a 'normal' relationship! That is what happens to the unfortunates who let life take them over!
very sad, I wish she (you) had grabbed the opportunity like he used to grab your hand and put it round his waist!!!



  Khushnoor posted 7 mnths ago

Thanks SM for visiting and your compliment.



  Khushnoor posted 7 mnths ago

Nargis, cant thank you enough for your wonderful comment. 

I guess you are right about speaking out, but the 'what ifs' just seem to get bigger with time. We are more politically correct with our partners than with total strangers. Is it because of a better understanding of your partners likes and dislikes or just a really wide communication gap? I wonder.



  Khushnoor posted 7 mnths ago

Thanks Avya!



  Synaptic Muddle posted 7 mnths ago

Kushnoor
Beautifully written!
You have managed to put the ache of a romance that has just faded with time, the fleeting moments when one thinks that one can put right everything again only to see it slipping away too...all this and more into words beatifully well.
Hope to read more from you.

Regards



  Nargis Natarajan posted 7 mnths ago

Hi Khushnoor....you have left me feeling a little 'lost' too. I guess this feeling usually germinates in the more creative minds who try to dissect a meaning in every situation possible. Or try to rummage for romance in every single passing moment. But the problem is conveying it to a more practical and rational world. More so, because the hesitation arises with a 'what if'.......maybe we should try to break these barriers and speak out what is in our mind. Who knows, the other persons reaction just might end up surprising us:-} You really write well!





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